my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
