I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
