She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
