wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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