I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
