Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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