and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
