I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
