We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
