Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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