I forgot how hot balto sounded
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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