This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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