I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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