we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
