we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
