oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
