he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
They have beer where we have blood.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize