lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
