Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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