She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
