I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
