would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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