i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize