I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
