I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
