We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize