I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
