when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
