There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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