i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
