i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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