I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
