Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize