Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
