Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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