Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
