I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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