Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I cannot find my penis.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
