Pappa wants mamma naked
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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