You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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