my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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