Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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