Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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