I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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