Your face is a jimmy john
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
