this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
