fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize