38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
