if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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