I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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