i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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