Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
