her vagine was all disorganized.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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