Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Blood and glitter go together right?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
