just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
