She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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