So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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