you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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