i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize