There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
