Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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