Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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