i just wanna soil my oats bro
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
