good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
