im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
His nipple licking is glorious
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