What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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