You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize