worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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