So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
