Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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